And Then There Was One
Death, it's final to those of us left behind....
Been through it before and it sucks each time. But this time it is different.
It's different because I used to be the only child of an only child - now I'm just THE only child left.
It's still too raw to even contemplate so there won't be any deep philosophical meanderings.....yet.
I haven't even found any emotion yet. Seen tinges of it here and there but no emotion.
Maybe it's because the brain works so fast and hard to make sure that everything gets done in time.
In time for what.......she's gone???
Luckily I can speak for guilt. I have none. I had none with my father either. And as I have learned in life, that is a blessing beyond measure.
I spent time with my mother. Not nearly as much as she would have liked, but considering the blistering pace of life these day, I did fine.
I sat with her as she ate the night she passed away. She was complaining that I fed her too much - but if I didn't, she would have complained that I didn't feed her enough!!
That was her way.
She loved me and was so happy for me that I had finally found the woman of my dreams and somehow got her to love me back. She was a joy to be around mostly - all the staff at the nursing home adored her. She was always smiling and happy to see whoever showed up. The folks from church that went around to visit her always commented on how sweet she was to them.
And as a son, I have no complaints. None.
My friends growing up loved both of my parents but my mother was especially close to so many of them. They all called her momma too!
My pastor and I were talking about "stuff" for the funeral and he asked me to tell some stories so I told him that she was the one that let us smoke in the house, bought us beer and even tried pot from one night just for fun.......and he laughed and said, "OK, tell me some OTHER stories"!
But that was just her way. She never saw what all the fuss was about marijuana - she said it just made her sleepy!!
She told me stories of her youth - how they used to have to drive up and blow the horn for the moonshiner's to bring them fruit jars full of the elixer because if they got out of the car, he would shoot them. She spoke of coming up in a segregated world but how her family always helped "the colored folks" and explained all the ways they did that and got in trouble from the "good" church folks for their trouble.
She always seemed a bit sad to me. As if her life hadn't worked out as well as she had hoped. She never mentioned a word of that to me but I sensed it all the same.
I respected her, which as I think back on it, was probably my greatest gift to her.
She was always the youngest of her family.
And she was just about the last one left.....
I guess now we can all start working on being the "old folks" and telling stories from the rip-roaring 60's and 70's. You know, the time before computers and cell phones and back when the po-po would just take your beer from you and drink it themselves....
Ah, the good ole days when we had things like parents.
Goodbye mom, I'll miss you.
Been through it before and it sucks each time. But this time it is different.
It's different because I used to be the only child of an only child - now I'm just THE only child left.
It's still too raw to even contemplate so there won't be any deep philosophical meanderings.....yet.
I haven't even found any emotion yet. Seen tinges of it here and there but no emotion.
Maybe it's because the brain works so fast and hard to make sure that everything gets done in time.
In time for what.......she's gone???
Luckily I can speak for guilt. I have none. I had none with my father either. And as I have learned in life, that is a blessing beyond measure.
I spent time with my mother. Not nearly as much as she would have liked, but considering the blistering pace of life these day, I did fine.
I sat with her as she ate the night she passed away. She was complaining that I fed her too much - but if I didn't, she would have complained that I didn't feed her enough!!
That was her way.
She loved me and was so happy for me that I had finally found the woman of my dreams and somehow got her to love me back. She was a joy to be around mostly - all the staff at the nursing home adored her. She was always smiling and happy to see whoever showed up. The folks from church that went around to visit her always commented on how sweet she was to them.
And as a son, I have no complaints. None.
My friends growing up loved both of my parents but my mother was especially close to so many of them. They all called her momma too!
My pastor and I were talking about "stuff" for the funeral and he asked me to tell some stories so I told him that she was the one that let us smoke in the house, bought us beer and even tried pot from one night just for fun.......and he laughed and said, "OK, tell me some OTHER stories"!
But that was just her way. She never saw what all the fuss was about marijuana - she said it just made her sleepy!!
She told me stories of her youth - how they used to have to drive up and blow the horn for the moonshiner's to bring them fruit jars full of the elixer because if they got out of the car, he would shoot them. She spoke of coming up in a segregated world but how her family always helped "the colored folks" and explained all the ways they did that and got in trouble from the "good" church folks for their trouble.
She always seemed a bit sad to me. As if her life hadn't worked out as well as she had hoped. She never mentioned a word of that to me but I sensed it all the same.
I respected her, which as I think back on it, was probably my greatest gift to her.
She was always the youngest of her family.
And she was just about the last one left.....
I guess now we can all start working on being the "old folks" and telling stories from the rip-roaring 60's and 70's. You know, the time before computers and cell phones and back when the po-po would just take your beer from you and drink it themselves....
Ah, the good ole days when we had things like parents.
Goodbye mom, I'll miss you.
posted by KK at 2:02 PM
1 Comments:
I'll never forget the "great escape" from the nursing home and her getting stuck in the pot hole. You were a good son KK. I know you will miss Ms. Kitty terribly. I love you.
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