Life’s Greatest Questions

How important does someone have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just plain old murdered?

Why do you have “put your two cents in” and yet it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” - where does the other penny go?

Why do we say we “slept like a baby” when babies are awake every two hours?

If a deaf person goes to court is it still called a “hearing”?

Why are you “in” a movie but “on” television?

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural – shouldn’t it be the other way?

Why do all toasters have a setting that will burn bread beyond what is eatable?

Why do doctors leave the room when you undress – they’re going to see you naked anyway?

If Wiley Coyote had enough money to buy all that shit from ACME, why didn’t he just buy dinner instead?

Why do the alphabet song and twinkle, twinkle little star have the same tune?

Why did you just sing them?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil made from vegetables – what is baby oil made from?

If the Professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, don’t you think he could fix a hole in the boat?

And my all time favorite Zen Saying:

Why does Goofy get to walk and talk while poor Pluto is on all fours – they’re both dogs!