Your Ass is SO Beautiful..............Will You Introduce us?

I am a man that is very much in love, as I am sure that you people that read this are well aware. I have been for so long that I don’t remember ever not being in love.

But I still like to go out and watch the action.

I’ve never been one to pick up strangers in a bar. Never held any attraction for me at all. But watching people work “it” in the bar (or meat market, as I like to call it) is amazing.

Bars become nothing more than great hunting grounds on Friday night. You can see ‘em, girls and boys (and some you’re not quite sure what they are) of all shapes and sizes trying to pair up before closing time.

They are “on the prowl” and working it.

The funny thing is that most of them are successful at some point in the evening.

So for those of us that aren’t in the game, it becomes very entertaining to watch.

There are two kinds that you see all the time. One is the “I kind of know who you are” or “I know someone you know and would like to get to know you better” type - and the other one is the “cold call”.

I like to watch the cold calls best of all. It’s like a shot in the dark and everyone around gets to watch. If I’ve had enough to drink, I have been known to write scores ranging from 1 to 10 on a napkin and hold them up for all to see right after the performance.

At least being a big, athletic boy allows me the latitiude to get away with that.

But I love the clichés best of all. Nothing beats a badly played “line”.

Here’s my favorites:

1. Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

2. Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?

3. You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day.

4. Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours?

5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or shall I walk by again?

6. Excuse me, do you kiss strangers? No? Well let me introduce myself.

7. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

8. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

9. Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

10. The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

So next time you go out, watch the predators and learn how the other half lives.

Peace.