Trying.................
It's been a very hard week.
Trying so hard to not be mad. Not be disappointed. Not be crushed. Not to blame myself for some kind of failing I'm not familiar with.
The logical side of my brain, which is the one that normally operates, is telling me that these things happen. You know, shit happens. The emotional side of my brain is screaming at me. Luckily, the logic is still winning.
I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 46 - I'm not old enough to be a grandfather.
Well, I guess that I am.
But I don't FEEL like I'm old enough to be a grandfather.
(Speaking of that - I'm asking for cool names for me and Miss Paige to be called by the baby when the time is right. My love is very anxious about this name thing so I'll need lots of ideas from the peanut gallery.)
I'm afraid my daughter is condemning herself to a life of mobile homes............
And that's all I can think of.
I raised her in very fine fashion. She loves fine French restaurants and now she's on par for McDonalds instead. I know in my heart of hearts she will not be happy - but how do you impart that to someone that hard-headed?
Quite simply, my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. I want to help - and that is my nature - but at the same time, I need for her to get a taste of "real life". But a daddy can't stand to see his little princess suffer.
I don't know what to do.
I just don't.
So I'll take your prayers and know that in time all will be revealed.
In the meantime I'm grateful to the woman that loves me. Quite possibly the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me was when she hugged me and told me that we were in this together and we would deal with whatever happened.
How does someone like me deserve that? I'm telling you honestly that I feel like the luckiest boy in the world. I absolutely adore and respect this woman I love and I want no less for both of my children.
And yet I see the mistakes before they happen.
Yep, wisdom is truly wasted on the old..........
Peace.
Trying so hard to not be mad. Not be disappointed. Not be crushed. Not to blame myself for some kind of failing I'm not familiar with.
The logical side of my brain, which is the one that normally operates, is telling me that these things happen. You know, shit happens. The emotional side of my brain is screaming at me. Luckily, the logic is still winning.
I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 46 - I'm not old enough to be a grandfather.
Well, I guess that I am.
But I don't FEEL like I'm old enough to be a grandfather.
(Speaking of that - I'm asking for cool names for me and Miss Paige to be called by the baby when the time is right. My love is very anxious about this name thing so I'll need lots of ideas from the peanut gallery.)
I'm afraid my daughter is condemning herself to a life of mobile homes............
And that's all I can think of.
I raised her in very fine fashion. She loves fine French restaurants and now she's on par for McDonalds instead. I know in my heart of hearts she will not be happy - but how do you impart that to someone that hard-headed?
Quite simply, my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. I want to help - and that is my nature - but at the same time, I need for her to get a taste of "real life". But a daddy can't stand to see his little princess suffer.
I don't know what to do.
I just don't.
So I'll take your prayers and know that in time all will be revealed.
In the meantime I'm grateful to the woman that loves me. Quite possibly the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me was when she hugged me and told me that we were in this together and we would deal with whatever happened.
How does someone like me deserve that? I'm telling you honestly that I feel like the luckiest boy in the world. I absolutely adore and respect this woman I love and I want no less for both of my children.
And yet I see the mistakes before they happen.
Yep, wisdom is truly wasted on the old..........
Peace.
posted by KK at 3:10 PM
5 Comments:
Oh, Keith. I'm so thankful that you have Paige to love you through this.
I don't have a lot of wisdom here, but I want to gently remind you that there is nothing - absolutely no situation - that can't be redeemed. There are so many amazing women out there who have triumphed over this very situation. She is so blessed to have you for a dad, someone who will love her unconditionally. Your daughter is now going to have to grow up, way before she should "have" to. It's a mess, that's for sure, and I hate it for her - expecting a baby when you want one like crazy is scary enough. But we have no way of knowing the future, thank God. All you can do is love her through it, love that baby, and help as much as is healthy. You're just the man to do it. You will get through all of this! Sending lots of love from all THREE of the Langs...
First of all, let's address that last question:
How does someone like me deserve that?
I know you only by your words on this page, but those words have proved you to be an honest, loving, optimistic, happy, spiritual man. Why wouldn't she love you? Paige is smart, right?
As far as your daughter goes ... yeah, you're gonna have to let her walk her own path. I hope she finds happiness — but, if she doesn't, she can start over. She's lucky to have you and Paige to help her through whatever she can.
And embrace a young grandparenthood. At least you'll have the energy to play with him/her.
Names: My niece and nephew call my mom Mimi. For you, I suggest The Dude.
Awww, sh*t. That's just like Paige. To hug you and say everything's gonna be alright.
Just look at AJ, she's a granma @ 33?32? Ha!
I know, she's a step granma.
The name thing is really hard to figure out. I think Paige should go by Sugah. How SOUTHERN is THAT? K's aunt is granmawed that name, but when I read your blog, Paige should be SUGAH!!
And YOU, Hummmm?!?!?!?!!
Dangnabit.
Everything is for a reason. God planned it that way, even though we, as humans, don't think so. Dangnabit.
love ya, (and esp. Paige) Tina
Yep, I vote for "Sugar" and "The Dude".
OH SAM-- The DUDE!! YES!! Tina
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