EX-Me

Well, it finally happened last night. Age caught up with me.

I was watching the Olympic Trials in swimming last night and it finally hit me that I'm old.

Old, old, old.

I could still feel the familiar emotions while watching last night but they were so far away and the performances I watched were foreign to me.

That may not mean much to most of you and you probably have no idea what I'm talking about so I'll explain a bit..............

That was me on the starting blocks. It was me concentrating on exploding off the blocks and hitting the water in the perfect position to pop up and take the first stroke that would put me a head in front of the guy to my right.

It was the smell of the chlorine in the air and the humidity in my lungs. It was the adrenaline pumping through my body.

But it was so far away I could barely perceive it.

I heard Rowdy Gaines commentating on TV and remembered swimming in the lane next to him realizing that he was a God and I was a mere mortal trying to knock him off his throne. (never happened, by the way - oh, I did swim against him several times - just never knocked him off his throne!)

I was a swimmer. At one time, I was THE swimmer. At least in these parts and certainly in my heart and soul. It was who I WAS.

I had qualified to swim in the Olympic Trials in 1980. Didn't go because I had no hope of making it, but I qualified to try. Of course, as it turned out, President Carter crushed lots of those Olympic dreams in 1980 but that's another matter............

And competing at that high level gets in your blood and you feel different. You feel amazing. There is nothing like stepping up to compete when you are at the top of your game.

Then you get on with life and you still feel it, you just can't do it anymore. Then it gets farther and farther away. It's always still there, it's just harder to get in touch with it.

Then came the point last night when I realized that it was just simply gone and I was nothing more than an interested spectator.

And for some reason, it just hit me.

I'm old.

Dying.

Fading.

But life is great like that. It's all about chapters. I left that chapter long ago and even though it was so engrained in me that it still felt real, it's been a long, long time since I was that good.

Granted, I did masters swimming and as recently as age 38 I was ranked towards the top of the heap, it was not nearly at the level it used to be. It was old man swimming.

Now there is no swimming at all and I need to change that.

I love my life. I am so in love with my wife that it makes all other things in my life pale in comparison, but I think I need that other edge to remind myself of what excellence used to mean in my life. Something that set me apart from everyone else.

So I think I'll get back to it.

After my stomach bug last week I found the determination to start eating better and have lost 7 pounds in the last two weeks. Need to get off about 50 more.

So I think I'll go forward, one step at a time and put aside my unrealistic rememberances and just try to do the best I can.

Isn't that all any of us can do?

Come join me.

Peace.