Where Am I?

In the past five years I searched for the meaning of life. Or maybe, not THE meaning of life, but to at least look for the point where I am supposed to intersect with life.

When we are young we are always waiting. We wait until we get out of high school and get into college. Once in college, we wait until we can graduate and can get a job. Once we get a job we wait until we can figure out what it is we're supposed to do and plan our path to get to the top - all the while waiting for the next place we're supposed to land.

But when do you get to the place where you are there and you can stop and smell the roses?

Conventional wisdom tells us that if we stop, we dry up and die. That if we lose our edge then we will be at the mercy of what life tells us to do instead of controlling how we live life.

But there is more than that.

I wanted to stop searching for the thing that was going to make me who I was intended to be and I wanted to find it. But each thought along that path took me closer to realizing that there were a thousand, thousand things that I needed to change about ME before I could ever imagine being in that place.

So I started slowly and lovingly - putting me first for a change and doing the things that my heart told me were right for me. There is an incredible amount of freedom in letting go. Of not being afraid of how things may turn out or even not worrying about what other people would think or say or feel.

So at age 42 I was born again.

Sounds kind of fundamentalish, doesn't it? Well it's not. It's just real.

I found that I am a child of love and if I put that love first - I didn't have to win anymore. I didn't have to be right. I didn't have to always be the loudest or the smartest or anything at all.

I could just be.

So here I am. I am what I am (Popeye Philosophy 101).

And I am so very happy. I find that all the shackles are gone. All that is before me is what comes and I am so very sure that whatever that is, that I can deal with it in its own time and not be afraid of any "what if's" ever again. I don't feel the need to shape events so that they will turn out in my favor. I don't have to lie to anyone, including myself ever again.

So today I rejoice in the fact that I am alive and content in my small place in the scheme of things.

I hope you find that place as well. If you have to wait for something, at least do it with a lightness of being that lets you know that if you don't get where you want to be, then maybe that is not the place you were meant to be.

Peace.