Monday, August 31, 2009

See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me

I saw this today on Postsecret………and it represents the true essence of my life.

I have this incredible need to have the love of my life see and experience the same things I do.

But, most importantly she doesn’t have to see them the same way I do.

I don’t need for her to agree with me or buy into anything that I believe because that would be way too presumptuous for me to think that way. And I’m just not into that kind of thing. So I just don’t care about that part of it – but the need for her to understand ME and what I see is very strong and it makes me happy when I share with her my insights into things.

And even though I crave her approval (among other things!), we have enough respect for each other to realize that agreement on all issues is not necessary.

But I have so enjoyed the part of our lives where us two different people have grown together.

I can honestly say that I can see things the way she does so much better these days. I may not agree with it all the time but I can see it.

And The Good Lord only knows what she sees through my eyes!

But that is the path love takes.

And I am having a ball!!

So join me………find someone to love and love them with all your heart and show them what you see in God’s creation.

You never know what you’ll get back in return!


Thursday, August 27, 2009

RIP Uncle Teddy

Monday, August 24, 2009

Commonly Understood Facts about Chuck Norris

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Health Care Reform


Who thinks my wife would look hot in this car?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Gratuitous Grandchild Picture

with a shot of my hot, hot, hot wife's legs in the background

Monday, August 17, 2009

RELIGION AND POLITICS ................... religion and politics

Are we better than others?

And if so, who are we to begin with???

All this political debate in our country has really split everyone into two big groups – I should call them group 1 and group 2 to avoid the labels that are so prevalent these days like “libs” and “cons” or “democrats” and “republicans” or “socialist” and “fascists” or “lefties” and “wingers”.

Either of these groups is likely to compromise 51% of the population at any given time depending on how badly the 49% group has fucked things up in the recent past.

But I don’t want to stick with the bland group 1 and group 2 designation so I’ll just call them like I see them………

Politically, I like to put people into two different subsets – and I like to call them “enlightened” and “close-minded”.

For me, they are very easy to distinguish and very, very easy to label within the first sixty seconds of any conversation.

Enlightened people tend to be those willing to have an honest conversation about current topics without resorting to talking about “the good ole days” or “how things used to be”.

The close-minded folk tend to rely on those arguments mostly when engaged in conversation about any hot-button topics.

The other way to spot a “close-minder” is that they generally will never deviate from the belief that their subset of the population is right and everyone should be just like them if they want to share in the responsibility and spoils of an advanced civilization.

In other words, among all the various races and religions and economic variables that we have in our world – only those that are within the parameters of where they exist (or think they exist) have a right to speak with authority.

But beyond the political arena, There is another place where the same exact thing goes on each and every day.

And that is the RELIGIOUS ARENA.

The place where the “rubber meets the road”, so to speak and it is the most troubling of these two categories for me to digest.

I’m not even sure how to label these two things……”Those that believe the Truth (as I see it)” and “Those that are wrong”?? I’m not quite sure.

This may go back to my youth when I experienced parents that only wanted their children to hang out with other “church folk” and not the unwashed among us.

And it wasn’t that they wanted them to hang out with just Christians….no, no, no – it had to be their particular brand of Christianity because the others were so, so um, corrupting!

I can still remember the whispers about the sacrifices they did at the Catholic church……….

And those danged Jews, well shoot, they weren’t even really religious – they were like foreigners!

Is there something inherent in our denominational separations that make us instinctively think that the way we do it is superior?

Are we indoctrinated from an early age to think that our way is THE WAY?

Do we think that we are morally superior?

I have personally been told that even though I’m a Christian – and a faithful one at that – that I am not “saved” because I don’t do things they way they’re “supposed” to be done.

Tongue in cheek??? Not sure………….

When did we lose the designation of our heritage?

What happened to the Irish and Italians and Polish and English and French and African among us and become all one homogenized group sorted by these two factors:


I, for one, am sick of this. Why can’t we all just be people on a journey with pluses and minuses? Things we’re good at and things we need to work on.

Why does it have to be so harsh all the time?

Why does the fat man on the radio spew such hate? Why do we need our news from a “commentator” instead of just getting the news and us deciding what it means?

Why do you think you are superior and therefore need to save me from myself?

This is the height of arrogance and not at all what we are called to be in this world.

Belittling someone because they think differently from you is the worst kind of insult you can show.

But worse than that, is the cult-like reverence that some folks show towards their beliefs.

We have made many jokes about “drinking the kool-aid” – but that reference goes back to Jonestown and most folks know what it means. But do you realize with horror the implications of that?

I say let’s all be kinder and more gentle with each other.

So in this celebration of the 40th anniversary of Woodstock and all the “stupid hippy ideals” that it held……how about let’s remember to “smile on your brother and everybody get together and try to love one another”.

Right now???


Saturday, August 15, 2009

Lucky Boy

I came to the realization tonight that I am absolutely positively the luckiest boy in the whole wide world!

How do you like me now!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Picture Yourself in a Boat on a River........

Here is my favorite new Todd Snyder song playing in heavy rotation on Outlaw Country - it's called "America's Favorite Passtime".

Not sure if you know the story - but way back when - Doc Ellis threw a no-hittter for the Pirates against the Padres while high on LSD.

And Todd Snyder is one in a long line of troubadours that have a way of reporting these odd events in a way that makes them see just so very special!

So check it out and see when you'd like to plan your n e x t t r i p!!

doc ellis didnt think he would pitch that day back in 1970
when he and his wife took a trip to the ballpark a little bit differently
so by the time he hit the bullpen half the world had melted away
thats about the time coach murtaugh said "hey dock your pitching today"

taking the ground the mound turned into the icing on a birthday cake
the lead off man came up and turned into a dancing rattle snake
the crowd tracked back and forth in waves of color under the sun
the ball turned into a silver bullet - his arm into a gun

three up three down for three straight innings in a zero zero tie
as all those batters names came ringing from some voice out of the sky
hallucinating halloween scenes each new swing of the bat
his sinker looked like it was falling off a table but nobody was hallucinating that

by the top of the fifth he was up one to nothing and giving the padres fits
by the top of the seventh he was up two to nothing and they still had'nt got any hits
with one out left to go in the game the batter looked like a little child
the birthday caking was shaking and those waves of color were going wild

when he finally mowed the last man down he was high as he had ever been
laughing to the sound of the world going around completely unaware of the win
and while the papers would say he was scattered that day he was pretty as a pitcher could be

the day dock ellis of the pittsburg pirates threw a no hitter on LSD

Monday, August 10, 2009

Yo Momma is SO BIG.......

Heard on the net......."that woman was so big, she had her own gravitational pull".


Happiness is a Warm Woman

That's where I am!

Life used to be such a chore. Responsibility and drudgery were the words of the day.

It's so much easier now.

And it's the same life....I just changed the way I looked at it.

Along with who I was looking at.

So for all of you that find life is bringing you down. Come on over - I've got plenty of sunshine to go around!


Wednesday, August 05, 2009

The Naughty Bits

I don't know if any of you are familar with Anthony Bordain, but he is my most favorite food author of all time.

His first book entitled "Kitchen Confidential" broke down the barriers between what actually happens in kitchens across the world (heroin, whores, coke, whores, etc....did I mention whores?) and what we THINK goes on behind those "swinging" doors.

And sadly for me, one of the true regrets of my life is that the $196.08 per month that I pay to Comcast (hence known as the evil empire) does not include the Travel Channel!

For you see, the Travel Channel contains several great food shows that are so much better than the drivel on the Food Network. And the greatest of these shows is Tony Bordain's travels across the world eating the most amazing indigenous food I've ever seen.

But I only get to see it when I travel.......which is kind of funny it'self when you think "I've got to TRAVEL to see the TRAVEL CHANNEL".

Well, at least I thought that was funny.

So if any of you know anyone at Comcast in Hattiesburg, tell them that you know a guy that is INSISTING that they put the Travel Channel in the lineup.

Yea, that should do it!

Anyway, I am forced to go to the Travel Channel's website and read Tony's blog - because the evil freakin; empire keeps me from watching him.

Damn it, all my folks at work watch him because, oh yea, COMFUCKINCAST has it in the lineup in Laurel. IN LAUREL! A place where they wouldn't know good food it it bit them on the ass......

Nevermind.....I'm getting all worked up again.......where was I?

Oh, so yea, I read Tony's blog.

And I absolutely love his style of writing. It reminds me of how I think I would write if I could find someone to write for consequently I love reading his stuff!

When I went there today to read it, it had me rolling in laughter because he's just so damned funny.

So, in the one of the best practices amoungst us cooking folks - I lifted his blog right off the page and pasted it below.

I'm sure he won't mind.

I'm sure if he did - I could kick his ass.

So either way, I'm covered...........SO ENJOY!

" Thing about a shark, he's got lifeless a doll's eyes. When he comes at you, doesn't seem to be livin' ..until he bites you--and those black eyes roll over white, and then you hear that terrible high pitched screamin'...the ocean turns red..."
Robert Shaw (as Quint) in Jaws

So, I get invited to a movie premier. This doesn't happen a lot and it's for Julie/Julia, and I happen to be very sentimental on the subject of Julia Child . The book "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" has a sort of totemic place in my personal history--as it does, I'm sure, for millions of others.

I am also a big Stanley Tucci fan. He directed and co-starred in the single best live action film on the restaurant business (Big Night) and there was certainly no reason to believe that Meryl Streep couldn't "do" Julia. ( Of course she can.) But that's not the point of this tale.

The next morning, I'm still trying to reconstruct the exact progression, the details, like trying to remember the license plate of the truck that hit me.

Only this wasn't any normal truck. This was far more terrifying and traumatic an event than being smashed by the grill of a Peterbilt, pulled up into the wheel well, dragged for a while, only to have my shredded remnants left by the side of the road, wondering, in my last moments of consciousness, "What the hell happened?" I'm pretty sure, judging by the vestigial ectoplasm on my jacket that I was sideswiped by pure evil.

I'm standing there by the boeuf bourgignonne station, sucking down martinis with my wife (they drink a LOT of martinis in the movie), minding my own business, having an innocent chat with some friends, when I notice someone has their hand on me. An icy, tendril of fear runs down my spine. I turn and find myself looking straight into the deceptively attractive and reasonable looking face of Sandra Lee.

To make matters worse--and more.....uncomfortable, she's standing next to her boyfriend, Andrew Cuomo, the Attorney General of the State of New York.

Now, I've said some unkind things over the years about Sandra.

Far too many and far too terrible things to ever apologize for. Plus, I pretty much meant every word. Once you've seen Sandra making Kwanzaa Cake on YouTube, there's no backing down.

My head is reeling with the thought that one phone call from Cuomo and my last twenty years of tax returns are getting audited . I'm paralyzed, wondering what the statute of limitations is on various things I may or may not have done twenty years ago.

Sandra is talking. I know this cause her lips are moving and she's saying--overtly anyway, nice things. Like "You're a very naughty man," and she's chatting amiably with my wife. But one hand is picking over me like the meat buyer at Peter Luger selecting a rib section--like some demonic bird of prey is poking and prodding, deciding where the weakest, most tender point of entry is, giving, as I recall, a point by point review of her investigations to my wife--who ordinarily, I have to say, would have been across the table with a tomahawk chop elbow to the top of the skull by now, but who, like me, sits mesmerized and grinning insanely, frozen by the ..bizarreness of the moment which seems to go on forever as Sandra's hand wanders upward, tugs an ear lobe and asks if my ears are red yet. (They were.)

Having had her way with me, she leaves the emptied husk of my carcass teetering at the table and moves on.

I felt like the victim of a drive-by shooting. "What just..happened?" I said with a weak, trembly voice. I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed the quiet but very thorough disembowelment that had just occurred. Nothing. It had looked, to anyone who'd care to notice, like any other cocktail party conversation--but I knew better.

I had looked into those eyes. I'd seen. Oh, she was smiling all right, but I'm pretty damn sure you could have dragged a rusty butter knife across my carotid artery right there at the table and her expression would not have changed, maybe only the eyes, they'd roll over white as I geysered onto the chafing dishes.

As we say on the show all the time, "What have we learned today?"

I learned that were a nuclear weapon to fall on New York, I'm pretty sure that if no one else, Sandra Lee would survive to clamber out of the rubble. That if it came down to a fight over the last can of food, she would surely emerge the victor.

I learned that I am truly and deeply afraid of her.

And I'm pretty sure she's a Democrat.

Questions begat Questions begat Ass Whoopin's on the Health Care Debate

So before we start, I need to tell you that this is strictly a gratuitous shot of my wife dressed up as a cowgirl. It has nothing to do with my post or anything else in the world except the fact that it makes me so hot.....

OK, now on with the show!

Several of my brothers and I have been having a very "lively" debate on health care reform this past week. It's been, shall we say, very, VERY SPIRITED.....

There are many firm opinions on this.

We have had instances of some people calling others out on their beliefs.

It has been so violent that it truly could be considered a damaging thing to friendships.

But only if we let it.....and we certainly don't.

I have found over and over in my life that when you truly love and respect someone, you can disagree (and even do it loudly and often) and it doesn't change the relationship. It can actually add to it.

And that's what has been happening.

I always end up, no matter where someone comes down on the issue, going back to Jesus' teachings. And luckily for me, most of that is pretty much not up for debate since it's all right there in your face.

Plus, I love righteous indignation best!!!

I have really enjoyed this particular debate so I decided to put out my first "manifesto" that I wrote as a response to a brother-o-mine's rantings.......we'll call this one the first shot across the bow.

Hope you enjoy and hope I get lots of hate mail from my fascist friends (since that includes most of you!!)

And before "thou doest protest too much", here is the definition of a fascist just so you'll know you are one:

Fascism, comprises a radical and authoritarian nationalist political ideology and a corporatist economic ideology.

Fascists believe that nations and/or races are in perpetual conflict whereby only the strong can survive by being healthy, vital, and by asserting themselves in conflict against the weak.

Fascists advocate the creation of a single-party state.

Fascist governments forbid and suppress criticism and opposition to the government and the fascist movement.

Fascism opposes class conflict, blames capitalist liberal democracies for its creation and communists for exploiting the concept.

Fascism is much defined by what it opposes, what scholars call the fascist negations - its opposition to individualism, rationalism, liberalism, and communism.

Here I go...........

Change is hard. It’s always hard. But it’s especially hard when it threatens our wallets.

I’m not going to tell you how we are going to (or even how I think we should) pay for these things……..

I’m just going to talk about these things and hopefully get some agreement that our medical system is broken and it needs to be fixed.

And in that fixing, there is going to be a great divide between people on how it should be done………just as there has been for generations.

And no matter what the facts are said to be or end up being, that divide will continue to cause a great debate between those that have – and those that need.

Neither am I going to bring up the historical changes that “broke” our country such as Teddy busting the trusts or Wilson wiping out the last of the robber barons.

I’m just going to remind you that any change in the status quo is painful and those of us fortunate enough to have privilege will always feel the pinch more than those that have nothing to lose in the first place.

We can’t change that anymore than we can change the fact that Oliver Twist wanted some more pudding.

But first, in order to get any validity here, you are going to have to agree that there is a problem with our medical system………. If you can’t do that, then we’ll never be able to have a conversation in the first place.

When my son was born, it cost me $1874 at Forrest General Hospital and he and his mother stayed in the hospital for 3 days and then we wrapped up the little bundle of joy and went back home to my apartment that I paid $275 per month for over by your old lab in the trailer on Weathersby Road. (You used to wave at me as I ran by. Seems like you had much less gray hair in your beard and there was just a lot less of me in those days!)

When my grandson was born, it cost $11,423.89 and he and my daughter got to stay exactly one night in the hospital.

To further illustrate our medical situation I will illuminate the only other two actual examples I have in my life. My outpatient sinus surgery I had last month cost almost $12,000 and my back surgery two years ago was $132,000……….

Our doctors can’t practice medicine anymore without looking over their shoulders at lawsuits and the majority of their earnings seem to go to pay their malpractice insurance.

My mother is in a nursing home. It costs almost $6000 per month. Mr. Howard pays me a very good salary and my life is very good………but I don’t have that kind of extra cash to pay for my mother so we had to liquidate everything she owned and put her on Medicaid.

Not what I had in mind, but if I went looking for any extra $70,000 per year to take care of her, I’d have to rob banks for a living.

The times when she’s sick and requires hospitalization these days, she has to go to Forrest General in an ambulance. The waiting room at the county hospital is completely full of people who have no where else to go………so they go to the one place that has to see them and it clogs up all of our medical facilities.

So yes, our system is broken. It’s broken badly. And due to the rising insurance costs, employers are unable to continue to provide insurance to their workers and the cycle gets worse and worse.

In my 25 years at Howard Industries, our dependent insurance coverage for management has gone from nothing to $600 per month………but at least we still have that option. I’m not sure that will last forever at the rate it’s rising.

For quite a while now, everyone has recognized that there is a problem. Especially our elected officials and they have debated and commiserated and come up with an official “yes there is a problem”………but no one has done a thing about it other than to keep saying how bad it is.

The bottom line is that the wealthiest country in the world should not have a problem with people unable to get care when they are sick.

But even beyond that, I can tell you that as a Christian, this makes me sick that we can’t do the minimum things that we are called to do……..“heal the sick”, “feed the hungry”, “clothe the naked”, “visit the prisoner”…… know, all those things that we’re supposed to do for the least of us.

Oh, and by the way, Jesus was about as far away from a conservative as you can get! And that always makes me almost delirious with laughter when I realize that old white men with money who claim to be religious are the ones that fill the conservative ranks of our society??

Very strange bedfellows indeed!

They get all up in arms about whether or woman can choose to be pregnant or not and yet allow the kind of poverty that boggles the mind exist in the Mississippi Delta because those folks obvously are just plain lazy and living off they "system"??

But back to your question at hand……….

How to pay for it………how much will it cost………how will it work……..all of these things are questions that need to be answered and I’m very sorry that I can’t provide you with the facts that you desire.

All I can tell you is that something needs to be done and I’m glad that someone finally has the courage to do something. And even if we fall on our face and end up deciding that we should put all the old people in camps and gas them when they get too much of a burden to society, then at least we can say we tried.

Maybe that will let us all sleep better at night……………

Sorry I couldn’t answer your questions – but I don’t know the answer – I’m just glad that finally we are taking a look at it.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Health Care Reform

One of Obama's closest healthcare advisors, Dr Pepper, is a well-known advocate of Pepperization.

Under his orders, everyone will be a pepper.

He will be a Pepper. She will be a Pepper. They will be a Pepper. We'll be a Pepper.

So, in the final anaysis, the question still remains............wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?