Thursday, April 30, 2009

This Just In........

After their owners inadvertently left them behind in Yellowstone National Park, Louie, a 4-year-old golden retriever, and Nipsy, a 3-year-old longhair cat, were killed within minutes of beginning their heartwarming journey home, sources reported Monday.

'It looks like right after leaving the campsite they fell off a cliff and died upon impact with the highway below,' park ranger Ken Hinkley said after discovering their barely recognizable bodies, which had been partially eaten by a cougar the pair likely would have outsmarted with adorably clever teamwork had they survived.

'After that, it appears their carcasses were run over by a tractor-trailer, probably operated by a gruff but kindhearted truck driver who no doubt would have given them a lift.

Poor little guys. Had to toss 'em in a ditch.'

Louie and Nipsy's family reportedly gave up hope immediately, and have already purchased a new kitten and puppy whom they love very much.

I love the onion. If you don't subscribe to their daily e-mail then you're just a dumbass.

Love - Hugs and Kisses!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I just bought a watch that has a skull on it.

Now my wrist will match my motorcycle.

I'm so cool that sometimes I scare myself!!!


Seems Just Like Starting Over

John Lennon song, 1980. Recorded right before he was gunned down by a stupid son of a bitch who will burn in hell when he dies.

At least he will if there is a hell because I'm sure that God loves the Beatles. All girls do!

Anyway, my title is not even remotely related to John Lennon - it's just what I thought of!!

I went with my daughter this morning to court.

She is now divorced............and I am happy.

Well, truth be known, I've been happy for a long time so I guess what I should have said is I'm HAPPIER!!!

So if you run into my daughter, tell her congratulations and please give her some good advice on relational matters.

Like don't kiss crack heads............


Monday, April 27, 2009

Post Secret

Every Monday morning, one of the first things I do is look at the Post Secret website and see what they put up for the week.

There is something liberating about looking at other people's secrets.

You find that there are some sick and hurting people in the world.

You find that there are some very sad people in the world.

You find that there are people just like you in the world.

And I think that last one may be the most important one.

My secret is that I'm so happy I could just die today and I know that I'd still be smiling......but it's so much more fun to live and roll in it each and every day.

I am so very thankful.......

Oh, and one of the things I like to do is write down the counter at the end of Post Secret - then I'll read it and refresh it and see where the counter is then. While I was reading this morning. 1519 more people looked at Post Secret.

That's pretty cool.

Hope all of you that are stuck on facebook have a nice day.........if you have time to read blogs anymore!!!


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Rules for Today

Life is short,

Break the rules,

Forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly,

Love truly,

Laugh uncontrollably,

And never regret anything that made you smile.

Happy Earth Day

Earth Day, an event to increase public awareness of the world's environmental problems, is celebrated in the United States for the first time. Millions of Americans, including students from thousands of colleges and universities, participated in rallies, marches, and educational programs.

Earth Day was the brainchild of Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin, a staunch environmentalist who hoped to provide unity to the grassroots environmental movement and increase ecological awareness. "The objective was to get a nationwide demonstration of concern for the environment so large that it would shake the political establishment out of its lethargy," Senator Nelson said, "and, finally, force this issue permanently onto the national political agenda." Earth Day indeed increased environmental awareness in America, and in July of that year the Environmental Protection Agency was established by special executive order to regulate and enforce national pollution legislation.

On April 22, 1990, the 20th anniversary of Earth Day, more than 200 million people in 141 countries participated in Earth Day celebrations.

Earth Day has been celebrated on different days by different groups internationally. The United Nations officially celebrates it on the vernal equinox, which usually occurs about March 21.

So them's the here's my story.

My mother gave me a trip to Washington DC for Christmas in 1989 and I took it, all by myself, in April of 1990 so I could hang out with the hippies for a week.

There had not been an Earth Day held since 1970 so it was ripe for a big ole party!

I had the Steven Seagal ponytail at that time and had all the coolness needed to blend in with the those freaks that were hell bent on not working and saving the world.

I camped out on the lawn of the capitol and smoked grass with children of the earth. I ate hummis and veggie burgers. I kissed hippy-chicks.

All in all, it was a very cool time.

I got to meet my cousin Robert Kennedy, Jr. and talk politics and I got to see Ling Ling and whateverthefucktheotherpandasnamewas at the National Zoo.

It was a very cool week. I left feeling hopeful.

But nothing much has changed in the interviening 20 years.

Maybe I'll go back in 2030 and see what's up then!



When I'm Gone

When I come to the end of my journey

And I travel my last weary mile,

Just forget if you can,

That I ever frowned

And remember only the smile.

Forget unkind words I have spoken;

Remember some good I have done,

Forget that I ever had heartache

And remember I've had loads of fun.

Forget that I have stumbled and blundered,

And sometimes fell by the way.

Remember I have fought some hard battles

And won, ere the close of the day.

Then forget to grieve for my going,

I would not have you sad for one day,

But in summer just gather some flowers

And remember the place where I lay,

And come in the evening

When the sun paints the sky in the west

Stand for a few moments beside me

And remember only my best.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Lucky Boy

In the course of human events, there are things that occur that change everything.

In my life, I truly believe that I was born to love the woman I am married to. If it had not been so, I think it would have turned out differently.

My world is an amazing place for me to live simply because I am so in love with this woman. But to top all of that, I think she's in love with me too..........

So I whistle while I work and hum a happy tune while going about my life simply because it doesn't get any better than this for me.

I am the luckiest boy in the world.

So if I were you, I'd hang out with me and see if any of this rubs off on you!


Beware the White Rabbit

Those who seek absolute power, even though they seek it to do what they regard as good, are simply demanding the right to enforce their own version of heaven on earth. And let me remind you, they are the very ones who always create the most hellish tyrannies. Absolute power does corrupt, and those who seek it must be suspect and must be opposed.


One day, I pray I can retire so I can write stories like this one:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went to a shop.

I was only in there for about 5 minutes abd when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket I went up to him and said,

"Come on man, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a piece of dog shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't give a shit.

I came into town by bus.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Holy Pig Flesh, Batman

New Orleans was wonderful this weekend.

The French Quarter Festival was full of people and fun......

I love my friends that have a condo down there and I love my wife who went with me.

But most of all, I loved my meal at this amazing restaurant called Cochon. Rated the number one restaurant in the United States by Bravo TV, I can honestly say it was amazingly delicious!

I had a ham hock over mashed sweet potatoes in a black-eyed pea ham broth. Simple yet elegant and I have no idea how in the world they cooked this ham hock but OMG it wss good.

My most beautiful wife had rabbit and dumplings which may have been the best thing I've ever put in my mouth besides her.......well, nevermind.

So once again, I am in awe and thankful for having the most amazing wife, the best friends, and great food on which to pace my life.

I am a lucky boy indeed!


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Don't Mess With My Beans.......

GILLIAM, La. – A sheriff's deputy said a 54-year-old man stabbed his 63-year-old brother during an argument in their kitchen over a can of pork and beans. Sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Chadwick said the suspect was booked Tuesday on one count of aggravated battery.

Chadwick said the brother was treated at a medical center for stab wounds in his left arm and shoulder blade.

Chadwick quoted Deputy Jairo Rivera as saying the two brothers had been drinking. Rivera said the suspect picked up a kitchen knife after his brother threw a punch at him but missed.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Poem by Dr. Phillip Kolin

One of our local english professors at the university, who just happens to be in love with the most amazingly wonderful church secretary in the world, wrote a poem for us to use in our Easter Service yesterday.

It was narrated by several wonderful voice from our congreation to the backdrop of a beautiful slide presentation.

It was incredibly wonderful and a most excellent way to open a most excellent service that was full, full, full of people.

Sorry if you missed it but here's the poem:

Let my words unlock your hearts today
They are the keys to set you free
As you see my light warming the day
Listen to hear your shackles falling off.

I am the Resurrection and the Light.

I am come to bring you
From death to life
From darkness to light
From winter to spring
From the stain of sinful ashes
To the dazzling white of Easter rise
From the loud decibels of doubt and disappointment
To the warm promises I whisper in your hearts

I am the Resurrections and the Light.

I come to bring you out
From all the tombs you hide in
Those lofty mausoleums to your pride
And those shallow graves that say
You are too lowly, not worthy enough
To those unmarked plots that tell you
Just let things be; nestle with your complacency.

I am the Resurrection and the Light

I have come to set you free
You are mine; I call you by name.
Can you hear me in the sunlight
And in the prisms of radiant light
Sending my love messages to you right now.
I have saved you to be loved
Smile and pray; they are the same today.
Share in my joy, in the celebration of life
That lasts an eternity all day long.

I am the Resurrection and the Light.

Come into my Easter time
The time that never fades, fails, or folds
The time that seals you free in redemption.
Come now and listen to the voices
I heard on that first Easter Sabbath and s till hear today.
My love for you is a parable of your life perfected in me.

Thanks for Loving Me

I stole this one from Post Secret.

I have never written to post secret because, well, I don't have m(any) secrets.

I get in trouble all the time because I tell EVERYTHING. If not in person, it's here or on facebook.......

Sometimes I pretend that I wrote things because they are so close to home for me.

But this one here - well - I just imagined that my beautiful wife sent it in and it made me cry.

I love my life.

Thank you so much Paige.........

The Few, The Proud, The SEAL's!!!

Richard Phillips, Captain of the Maersk ship Alabama, flying an American flag out of the port of Norfolk, VA is home safe today.

Not because of the fact that we’re the biggest bully on the block and everyone does what we say to do. No, I think we’ve all come to the conclusion that doesn’t work anymore………

Nope, it’s simply because there are those in service to our country that are above and beyond what most of us can even imagine.

Everyone is talking this morning at work about the amazing rescue of this ship Captain. Captain Phillips was very brave and deserves much credit for saving his own crew.

He upheld the long tradition of the sea and took total responsibility for his men in a very bad situation.

For at sea, tradition is everything.

Without it, bad things will always happen. The importance of this is noted because our most ancient of laws, from over a thousand years ago, deal with what happens on the high seas.

But we have other traditions as well.

Such as the US Government not allowing US citizens or US interests to be assaulted by foreigners.

Most of these things that happen, well, you will never hear of. The United States will send in men to fix these type situations each and every day. People are rescued and retribution is taken almost every day that goes by and we never hear of it.

The situation with the ship Captain was big news so everyone heard for a change.
And once again, we all should stand in awe of our soldiers.

Three Navy SEALS shot three pirates in the head from a boat bobbing on the water. The pirates were in another boat bobbing on the water. Two boats bobbing in the rough sea.

They were all shot at the same time. The Captain didn’t even hear the shots until after the pirates fell dead at his feet and he said he only heard one shot.
For those of you that know nothing of marksmanship or shooting – this may not seem to be a big deal. But for those of us that love to point a gun and try to shoot something 30 feet away just for funzies, this is a really big damn thing.
Those shots would be simply unthinkable for me.

That strategy would never even come into question because in my mind it can’t be done.

But it was done.

And it was done with extreme prejudice and with supreme skill.

Then they sunk back into the shadows from whence they came…………………
There will be press conferences galore about his incident – but there will be no SEALS standing in front of the cameras taking their 5 minutes of fame and turning that into a lucrative speaking tour.

Nope, you will never see them and you will never know who they were.

Here is the SEAL’s Creed. Read it and let it sink in for a moment:

"My loyalty to country and team is beyond reproach. I humbly serve as a guardian to my fellow Americans, always ready to defend those who are unable to defend themselves. I do not advertise the nature of my work, nor seek recognition for my actions. I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing the welfare and security of others before my own. I serve with honor on and off the battlefield. The ability to control my emotions and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men. ... In the absence of orders I will take charge, lead my teammates and accomplish the mission. ... I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on adversity. My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight."

I won’t bore you with the process of how the SEAL’s come to be picked or what kind of training they go through, because just like the nature of the shots they took – our plain old civilian minds simply can’t grasp what happens and how they end up so well trained.

But I will reveal one thing my father once told me when I posed the question to him………

Now my father was a Green Beret. He was a bad, badass man. Died with seven bullet holes in him and each line on his face and every bone reset in the field attested to the life he led. He was in the first classes that went through the training after President Kennedy started up the special warfare section of our military.

He had to survive being dropped of into the water from a chopper on the Caribbean side of the Central American peninsula and having only his Rambo knife (long before there was a Rambo) – he had to make it to the Pacific side of the peninsula.

Through the jungles of Panama and all that goes with it. He still suffered from the results of malaria for the rest of his life and the scars from the leeches never went away.

My father fought in many wars and skirmishes over the years. Some for the US government and some for “other” interests.

It was from that context that I asked the question that every 10 year old boys has to know: “Dad, are Green Berets tougher than SEAL’s”?

He pondered that for a second and said, “Son, SEAL’s are trained very differently from us Green Berets. Their mission is to quickly and quietly kill the enemy in specific situations while we are sent in to win the hearts and minds of our enemy while setting up forward bases and fighting the enemy as counter-insurgents. Therefore they are assassins while we are cross trained as diplomats, educators as well as highly trained soldiers. I’m sure that individually it would vary as to who was tougher on a personal level – but as a general rule, there has never been a SEAL that I have known that I would care to get into a scrap with..”

And my father was a very smart man.

So today, thank a soldier and thank God that we live in the United States of America.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Truth Eternal

Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things we needs to believe in the most.

That people are basically good.

That honor, courage, and virtue mean everything.

That power and money mean nothing.

That good always triumphs over evil.

And the most important thing is that love.............true love ............never dies.

In the end it really doesn't matter if things are "technically" true.

Unless of course you are a Pharisee.

Which unfortunately is probably the vast majority of humanity!

Because sometimes you should simply believe in things just because those are the things worth believing in.

I belive in the things I mentioned above.

I believe in them through and through.

And here is the important part:

My belief is so strong that it manifests itself as faith.

I get in trouble sometimes for my rose-colored glasses..........but those rose-colored glasses are simply the way I see things.

Bad things will have to find me before I will worry about them because I will not cut my joy of living short by worrying about what may happen.

I will believe in the premise that good will triumph and people will always do the right thing.

I want to always be surprised and upset when people don't take the high road.

But I realize that life has a way of making us too busy to worry about the "philosophical" things, but I also realize that the most important things in our life are of a "philosophical" nature.

So, as usual, we have to choose. Yes, we have a choice how we view life.

Obviously the actual events of our life are important - but I will maintain to my dying breath that it is how we VIEW and PERCIEVE the events of our life that matter much more than the events themselves.

Now the place where the rubber meets the road is that place where our noble intentions become actions.

Where we move beyond the mere ponderance of our ideals to the application of those ideals in our own lives.

And that is where we should all strive to the very place where we live our lives as we believe they should be lived.

I want to be better than I am.

I, quite simply and with all the honesty I can muster, believe in myself.

Therefore I should be able to live my life according to my faith.

I pray that I have enough time on this rock to make it so.

I know and understand the example that has been set for me.

The example is not ambiguous nor is it confusing in any way.

The example is what we are celebrating this week.

For myself, well, I have truly experienced the unconditional nature of Truth in my life and have found it to be the most amazing thing I have ever been a part of.

My Truth is that I love with an intensity that simply boggles my schoolboy mind.

The Truth of that amazing love manifests itself inside of my servant's heart.

Some of you may have noticed that from time to time...................and I will never apologize for any of that nor for the fact that the sun rises and sets upon the beautiful brow of my beloved wife.

I want all the good things that life has to offer for myself and for those that I love. But even beyond all that...........I want those things for all of us.

Even you Sid.

So this week, as those of us who call ourselves Christians contemplate the glorious nature of Easter - let's not get caught up in the "facts".

Let's not get caught up in the "evidence" that may or may not exist about a historical figure.

Instead, let us all promise and vow to keep our eye on the most important thing - which is that we are all called to love one another and look out for each other and most of all - Dear Lord - most of sacrifice of ourselves so that our world can be a better place.



Monday, April 06, 2009

Like My Bigmomma Said:

"Great minds discuss ideas;

Average minds discuss events;

Small minds discuss people"


Damn, into April and it's supposed to freeze tonight.

This isn't what I signed on for.

Although I still remember the April 2, 1984 snowstorm well. It was the time that my radiator in my car actually froze solid.

That's never good.

Take my word for it.

So my advice is to find someone who will snuggle with you and batten down the hatches for the evening.


Thursday, April 02, 2009


This year's Seal harvest has started in Canada. Trips are being organized as we speak so don't wait too long to reserve your seat!!


OK, so I did survive the needles in my spine. No big deal.

Well, except for the part where there was so much scar tissued that it kept bending needles. I think the final count on needles bent was 4.

So I got 8 puncture wounds in my lower back.

The doctor would say, "OK, here's a little stick and burn" - which is code for this is gonna hurt like hell and if you move even a little I may pierce your spinal column and render you paralyzed for the rest of your life.

So I was really still.....................

But it got over fairly quickly and all was well with the world.

So today I'm still feeling it in my back. Kind of like I've been in a fight and lost.

But the shots worked because some of the constant pain is gone.

Only for a while - but it's gone for now.

So thanks for your prayers for those of you that did that for me and I say "ha-ha" to those of you that hoped I would get paralyzed!!!

You know who you are.

And here's hoping that your todays will always be better than your yesterdays.

If you happen to see my daughter today, tell her "happy birthday" because she's finally 21.