Friday, May 29, 2009

Big Un

Here is a fine picture of my son, the aggresive college football player at 305 lbs.

But now??

Now my son now weighs 205 lbs.

So did I, once upon a time.

My back does not allow me to physically do what I used to do.

But I've got work to do.

Publicly announced here...............(drum roll)

230 by Christmas.

Get started.



Monday, May 25, 2009

God Bless 'em

I think of my father today, on Memorial Day.

I think of all the sacfices that he willingly and even joyfully performed for his country.

Then I think about how much I miss him.

It's been 14 years since he died and a day doesn't go by that I don't miss him terribly.

I would love for him to meet my wife that I love so and see how wonderfully my children have grown.

He would have thought the world of his great grandson.

So if your daddy is still alive, go hug him.

If you know a veteran, hug them as well.

But never forget.

No matter what, don't ever forget.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I am Real..........

"What is Real?" asked the rabbit one day.

"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you're made", said the skin horse. "It's a thing that happens to you.....and it doesn't happen all at once".

"You become".

"It takes a long time".

"Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby".

"But these things don't matter at all, because once you are can't ever be ugly except to the people that don't understand".

With my apologies to Margery Williams and the Velveteen Rabbit I am here to tell all of you that I am so very Real.

I have been Real for several years now and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for it.

I may be 48 years old and a tad tubby. I may have slowed down and I may hurt all the goddamned time so that I want to cry........but I am so very Real and am therefore so very Happy.

I sometimes look in the mirror and don't recognize the person I am looking at - but when I gaze inward at how I feel and what I know, I am quite simply amazed at how fulfilled I have become and how second nature it is for me now.

I have gone from the "one day I will" to the point where I live my dreams each and every day.

So I thank you Paige. For all of that. I also thank all of you other folks out there that are my cloud of witnesses. For within each of you I find a piece of who I am and even sometimes who I'd like to be tomorrow - the Lord willing and the creek don't rise!

And in the end, when it's over - whenever that may be.......all I truly want to be said was that I was Real. Authentic. Genuine. But mostly, I want it said that I loved with wreckless abandon.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Off The Hook!

Seriously, you gotta check out this web site. I love this shit.......

texts from last night!!

(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

Food Network Humor

You'll need to check out these fruits and veggies and vote for which one is your favorite.

Or at least vote for the one that is most familiar.


Thank God It's Over...........

That is what everyone is saying today.

I'm sure I made everyone sick with my birthday celebration. So much so that I'm also sure it will be canceled next year.

So don't fret if you missed something or feel like you didn't honor me enough, there's always year 50 to catch up!

I got a very cool ipod touch from my wife. I have been very frustrated trying to load it up today because I'm not the most technologically gifted boy in the world but I think I've got it all finished.

We'll just have to see.

In the meantime, I am hoping that everyone has a wonderful week themselves.

I'm sure I will!


Saturday, May 16, 2009

And on the Sixth Day, God Rested.......

Back from the Gumbo cookoff. My stew was amazing and I received much deserved praise and adoration.

But I still lost.

Cheating bastards.

But the hotel sex was amazing and that's all that really matters!!!

Tomorrow is my birthday - DON'T FORGET!


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Pray for Gumbo

Tomorrow I embarque on an epic adventure whereby I assault 36 other teams in a gumbo competition.

I will kick their asses.

I am ordained by God Almighty to be the hand of justice (but not mercy) in the culinary world and I will crush all posers who stand in my way.

Be advised..........

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

You Wish!!!

I'll bet all you people who's birthday week it ain't is a-wishin' that it was!!!

I am having the time of my life!

Monday, May 11, 2009

It's Here...........

It has begun..............

All hail the birthday boy!

The week of celebration has officially commenced and tribute may be shown at any time during the next 7 days.

Culmination is Sunday, May 17. You will know it is over when you hear the Morman Tabernacle Choir sing "Hosana in the Highest - Keith was Born".

My mother will be receiving visitors all week at the nursing home in tribute to her miraculous conception and birth.

Candles may be lit in honor of my father who has long gone on to his reward.

If you have any questions, you may contact my social secretary for details and a tribute schedule.


Friday, May 08, 2009

Almost Time For The Blessed Event To Begin........

My birthday week commences on Monday and culminates on the Blessed Celebration Day, which as I'm sure that each of you knows is Sunday, May 17.

My sweet Nicole has proclaimed that she will cook dinner for me each and every night of my birthday week because I'm such a swell guy.

I can't even imagine all the other wonderful things that are going to happen to me next week.

But I'm ready.

And if you'd like to join in, just let me know and I'll see if there will be any room left in the celebration to squeeze you in!!!


Off To See The Wizard

Mickey Carroll, one of the last surviving "Munchkins" in the 1939 movie "The Wizard of Oz," died of natural causes on Thursday in Missouri at age 89.

Carroll, who stopped growing at a young age, was an entertainer early in life and befriended actress Judy Garland, leading to a role alongside her in classic "The Wizard of Oz."

He was a violin-playing Munchkin "Town Crier" in the movie, dressed in purple with a yellow flower in his vest. There were dozens of Munchkins in all.

In 2007, Carroll and a few other surviving Munchkins attended a ceremony to dedicate a Munchkin star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Born to Italian immigrants in 1919, Carroll's given name was Michael Finocchiaro.

And there you have it. Another mutant gone to his reward.

I think Munchkins are so cool. On the other hand, I have a step-daughter that I adore who freaks completely out whenever she sees one.

I don't understand any of that but it's true.

So I have been contemplating how I could hire one to show up at a party where she is and see what find of fun will ensue.

I'm bad like that.

I hope everyone has a great weekend - and if you don't - try harder next weekend!


Thursday, May 07, 2009

Skully Has Landed

Oh, and by the way - my watch came in.

You remember - the one I posted a picture of a few posts down?

And yes, you were right - it IS obnoxious!!!

Hence, I love it large.............


Oink Oink

Well, it's been a while since I've been here and in the meantime I have been and had injections in my spine, gotten on an airplane at 5am and been exposed to lots of Mexicans with Swine Flu and am none the worse for wear........

Went to Houston for a Board of Directors meeting of this organization I'm with and had the opportunity to eat a very fancy dinner at one of those revolving restaurants -

And spilled a glass of water in my lap.

I swear I did.

It was cold too!!!

Luckily, even though everyone else was in a suit, I of course, was in blue jeans so no harm-no foul is what we all said!

Anyway, once again, Bob Dylan's new album came out at number 1 this week. Amazing that this 70 year old bastard can still sell 125,000+ on his release day.

Sometimes, life is just so cool.

Then sometimes it isn', our hispanic personnel director was arrested by the feds for 25 counts of some shit having to do with them thar illegals that we had working here.

Then I find out that my step daughters best friends ex boyfriend got murdered in the Conestoga parking lot last night.

So I guess life always has the good and the bad.

I like the good.

And I love my wife.

I'm very happy for me, her and Bob Dylan.

For you that really don't know - Bob Dylan is a prophet and one day you'll all wish you had listened and understood. The lord works in mysterious ways - but very few of them will ever get played on the radio!


Friday, May 01, 2009

Me So, Happy!!!

I'm so glad my wife came back from the coast. I'm not sure why she was dressed like this or why she was so happy - because I'm just so very happy she is home!!!

I love my wife. Very much!